Tee-d Off
Christ, I had a few too many cider sandwiches last night. And, you know, when you do that sort of thing there always seems to be some pompous twat on hand with a glass of something non-alcoholic looking all superior coz they’re stone-cold sober and you most definitely are not.Well, there I was, sat at a table in O’ Flannell’s on Place du Lux, finishing off yet another pint of Strongbow when some smart-ass waitress (it’s usually a woman that comes out with this crap) walked by and said: “You won’t find the answer in the bottom of a beer glass, you know.”What can you say to that? “No shit, Sherlock”?Here’s what I said, for what it’s worth, after sitting up slowly and glaring at (both of) her: “My dear girl, as you so kindly point out, I may not find the answer. “However, if I drink enough of this stuff then at the very least I’ll forget the fucking question. "Now go and get me another, you supercilious cow.”I went to Fat Lad’s after that exchange.While there, I realised that the Ryder Cup starts today, so here’s some obscure golfing terms.Tee shotsA Condom – safe, but it didn't feel very goodA Glenn Miller - kept low and didn't make it over the waterA Yasser Arafat - ugly and in the sandAn O J Simpson - got away with itA Michael Jackson - gradually fadingA Douglas Bader - looked good in the air but didn't have the legsA Ken Livingstone - way off leftA Jean-Marie Le Pen - too far rightAn Arsene Wenger - everyone saw where it went except youFairway shotsA Michael Barrymore - a long ironA Marlon Brando - a fat ironA Kate Moss - a thin ironA Peter Mandelson - an unbelievable ironAn Arthur Scargill - a great strike but a poor resultA Son-in-Law - not what you wanted, but it'll doIn a hazardAn Eva Braun - picked up in the bunkerA Saddam Hussain – goes from bunker to bunkerA Red October - underwater and you’ll never find itPuttingA Cuban - needed one more revolutionA Salman Rushdie - impossible to readA Rock Hudson – looked straight but wasn'tA Dennis Wise - a nasty five footerA Diego Maradona - a very nasty five footer
posted by Tippler 10:11

1 comments:
Tiger Woods said...
Question: What is a putter that has a head that is much wider and heavier than that of a blade putter (6)? Tippler, you will find the answer in the bottom of your glass, have a good look...
September 22, 2006
Post a Comment
Links to this post:
See links to this post